The psychology of intimacy, identity & beautifully complicated lives.

7/5/2025 - Dr. Ingrid Solano

Is Relationship OCD More Common in Creative People?

Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder that involves intrusive doubts, fears, or compulsive behaviors related to romantic relationships. People with ROCD often question their love for their partner, scrutinize their partner's flaws, or compulsively seek reassurance. These symptoms can cause significant distress, interfere with intimacy, and disrupt daily life.

A question that comes up frequently in clinical and coaching spaces is: Are creative people more likely to experience ROCD?

The short answer is: we don’t know. There is currently no direct research proving that creatives are more likely to develop ROCD. However, many of the traits that support creativity—such as emotional depth, introspection, and vivid imagination—also overlap with traits that can intensify the experience of obsessive-compulsive symptoms in relationships.

 

🎵 The Inner Experience: 

Obsessional Relationship Thoughts for a Creative Musician

You're on stage, the spotlight is on you, and your voice is perfect—but your mind is somewhere else entirely. "Do I really love them? What if I’m just pretending? What if I’m leading them on and ruining their life?"

These thoughts don't come once. They loop, loud and persistent, like a chorus stuck on repeat. They show up in hotel rooms after shows, backstage before encores, and in the quiet between performances. No matter how much affection you've shown—or received—it never seems to settle the doubt.

You analyze everything: their laugh, their touch, the way you said "I love you" that morning. Was it genuine, or were you just going through the motions? You scroll through old texts, replay arguments in your mind, and ask trusted friends for reassurance—only to find that the peace you’re looking for slips away again and again.

For someone whose art is rooted in emotional honesty, the idea of being unsure about love can feel like a betrayal of your identity. If authenticity is your truth, then doubt can feel like failure.

 

🎬The Inner Experience: 

The Breakup Cycle: Obsessional Doubts Behind a Creative Persona

You're a household name—on screen, you're fearless. Off screen, your love life is a tabloid headline: breakups, reconciliations, whispered affairs, bold declarations, and sudden disappearances. You’ve become known for your edge, your unpredictability, your wild heart. It fuels your roles, your interviews, your "I-don’t-give-a-f*ck" image. But inside? It’s a different story.

The truth is, you’re exhausted. Caught in a cycle of on-again-off-again relationships that feel as thrilling as they are destabilizing. You fall hard. You second-guess everything. You leave—or they do—and then you come back, driven by longing, guilt, or fear of regret. It’s passionate. It’s cinematic. But it’s also deeply confusing and painful.

Underneath the swagger and spontaneity is a private pattern of rumination, emotional whiplash, and shame. You replay every fight, analyze every text, try to decode what was “real” versus what was reactive. You fear commitment and also fear being alone. You long for connection, but doubt you can sustain it. You crave closeness but feel trapped when you get it.

This cycle might feed your creative edge—those raw emotions bring fire to your performances. But the cost is high: emotional burnout, fractured trust, and a lingering fear that you’re the problem. That no matter how much you love or feel, something always goes wrong. That maybe love just wasn’t made for people like you.

But here’s the thing: patterns like these often come from unhealed relational wounds—attachment fears, rejection sensitivity, trauma, or obsessive thinking around relationships. They can be addressed. You don’t have to keep reliving the same romantic script just because it feels familiar or creatively useful.

Therapy or coaching can help you explore how intimacy, identity, and creativity intersect—and how to stay grounded in relationships without losing yourself or your spark. Because being emotionally complex isn't a flaw—it’s a strength. You just don’t have to suffer for it.

 

🎭 When Obsession Feels Like Art—But Isn’t

For creative people, obsession is often part of the process. Writers loop one sentence until it sings. Musicians hear the same lyric for days before it feels real. Actors replay scenes in their heads, dissecting every emotional beat. In this way, obsession can be a channel for precision, self-expression, and emotional alchemy. But when that same obsessive energy starts attaching to your relationship, it can quietly transform from artful intensity into something more distressing and destabilizing.

 

Relationship OCD thoughts often sound like:

• "What if I don’t love them enough?"
• "What if I'm only staying because I'm afraid to be alone?"
• "Shouldn’t I feel more certain by now?"
• "What if I’m lying to myself or leading them on?"
• "If I loved them, I wouldn’t have doubts, right?"
• "What if this isn’t the kind of love I’m supposed to have?"

Unlike typical relationship questions, ROCD thoughts are repetitive, distressing, and intrusive. They don’t lead to clarity. They loop—often growing more confusing the more you analyze them. And for creatives, who are already prone to rumination, heightened emotional tracking, and deep introspection, it can be hard to tell where insight ends and obsession begins.

 

 

Why It’s So Hard to Tell the Difference

Artistic work often depends on emotional friction, inner tension, and complex layers of meaning. You’re trained—creatively or intuitively—to sit in the discomfort, to question everything, to feel big and feel deeply. That same skill, when turned toward your relationship, can create a feedback loop of doubt, where the mind turns your partner or your feelings into an unsolvable mystery.

To complicate things further, society often romanticizes emotional chaos in relationships—especially for artists. We’re told that heartbreak fuels good writing, that longing produces better music, that jealousy makes you passionate, and that intense love must be uncertain. That mythology can keep creatives stuck in patterns that feel meaningful—but are actually intrusive, compulsive, and painful.

 

 

Why It Hurts So Much for Creatives

For creatives, obsessional relationship doubts don’t just stir anxiety—they can spark a full-blown identity crisis. Love is often a source of creative fuel, so when it becomes the focus of distress and uncertainty, it can shake your confidence in your work, your intuition, and your emotional compass.

You might ask yourself: “How can I write about love when I’m unsure if I’m feeling it?” or “What does it mean if I need constant reassurance in my relationship?” The perfectionism, emotional intensity, and introspection that help you make meaning through your art can also magnify the internal noise of ROCD.

These thoughts aren’t proof that you don’t love your partner—they’re symptoms of a mind trying to control uncertainty through overthinking. And when love is supposed to feel effortless, doubt can feel like danger. But in truth, love is often messy, nonlinear, and imperfect—and you're allowed to live in that space without needing constant emotional certainty.

 

What Is Relationship OCD?

ROCD is a subtype of OCD involving persistent and unwanted doubts about one’s relationship, such as:

• “Do I really love my partner enough?”
• “What if they’re not ‘the one’?”
• “Should I feel more passion or certainty?”

These thoughts often lead to compulsions like reassurance-seeking, emotional checking, avoidance, or mentally reviewing one’s feelings and interactions.

ROCD can be painful and confusing, especially because it targets something as intimate and culturally idealized as romantic love. Though it is not currently listed in the DSM-5 as a distinct diagnosis, research supports its validity as a clinical subtype of OCD (Doron et al., 2012; Doron et al., 2016).

 

Creativity and ROCD: No Proven Link, but Shared Traits

There is no established causal link between creativity and ROCD. However, some cognitive and emotional traits commonly seen in creative individuals may make them more vulnerable to—or amplify the intensity of—ROCD symptoms.

For example, research has shown that creative individuals tend to be:

• Emotionally sensitive and introspective
• Imaginative, with rich inner worlds and vivid mental imagery
• More likely to engage in rumination and deep self-reflection
• Drawn to idealistic or perfectionistic standards in relationships

These traits can make it harder to tolerate ambiguity or emotional discomfort, which are key triggers in ROCD. A creative individual may find it especially difficult to accept moments of doubt, emotional flatness, or relational imperfection without spiraling into anxiety or compulsive behavior.

 

Why This Matters in Therapy

Even without a proven causal link, it’s important that therapists and coaches recognize how personality and creative cognition can shape the way someone experiences relationship-related anxiety. Treatment approaches should validate these experiences while also helping clients regulate them more effectively.

Evidence-based treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), and the Unified Protocol are all effective for ROCD. These approaches focus on reducing compulsions, challenging unhelpful thinking patterns, and increasing emotional flexibility. The Unified Protocol, in particular, is useful because it targets the underlying emotion regulation processes that cut across diagnoses, rather than focusing only on symptoms tied to a specific label.

 

What You Can Learn to Do

The goal isn’t to turn off your sensitivity or stop thinking deeply. The work is learning to recognize when your thoughts are creative inquiry versus when they’re OCD-fueled control loops.

With evidence-based approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), and the Unified Protocol, creatives can learn to:

• Tolerate uncertainty in love without spiraling into self-doubt
• Hold complex emotions without assigning meaning to every one
• Separate artistic vulnerability from emotional reactivity
• Maintain connection to their partner without sacrificing inner safety or creative freedom

 

Final Thoughts

There is no evidence that creative individuals are more likely to develop ROCD—but certain traits like rumination, emotional intensity, and idealism may make the experience of ROCD more intense or persistent. Recognizing these overlaps can help clients feel less alone, and help providers tailor treatment in ways that are affirming and effective.

If you are a creative person struggling with obsessive doubts, emotional overwhelm, or fear of not feeling “right” in your relationship, you are not broken—and you're not alone. ROCD is treatable. With the right support, you can move toward clarity, peace, and connection.

 

References

• Doron, G., Derby, D., & Szepsenwol, O. (2012). Relationship obsessive compulsive disorder (ROCD): A conceptual framework. Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders, 1(4), 234–243.
• Doron, G., Szepsenwol, O., Keinan, G., & Aloni-Batash, S. (2016). Relationship-centered obsessions and guilt: Associations with relationship and sexual satisfaction. Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders, 10, 19–27.
• Feist, G. J. (1998). A meta-analysis of personality in scientific and artistic creativity. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 2(4), 290–309. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327957pspr0204_5
• Silvia, P. J., Nusbaum, E. C., Berg, C., Martin, C., & O'Connor, A. (2009). Openness to experience, rumination, and anxiety. Journal of Research in Personality, 43(6), 787–790.

6/15/2025 by Dr. Ingrid Solano

🧠 When Feeling Feels Like Proof: The Trap of Emotional Reasoning

Ever felt anxious and thought, “If I feel this worried, something must be wrong”? Or walked away from a conversation convinced you said something weird—just because you felt awkward?

That’s emotional reasoning in action.

Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion where we believe that our emotions reflect reality, even when there’s little or no external evidence. It’s the belief that because you feel something intensely, it must be true.

“I feel rejected—so I must be being rejected.”
“I feel guilty—so I must have done something wrong.”
“I feel anxious—so something bad must be about to happen.”

These thoughts are seductive, especially for emotionally attuned, creative, or sensitive people. Your feelings are real—but they don’t always mean what you think they mean.

 

 

What Is Emotional Reasoning?

In psychology, emotional reasoning refers to the process of using how you feel as evidence for what is true. It’s a key feature in anxiety, depression, OCD, and trauma-related disorders—and it often shows up in everyday life too.

Here’s how it works:

• You feel something uncomfortable (anxiety, shame, dread)
• Your brain looks for a reason for that feeling
• Instead of evaluating the facts, it assumes the feeling itself is the fact

This creates a self-reinforcing loop: the more distressed you feel, the more you’re convinced there’s a reason to feel distressed. Your mind becomes a courtroom where emotion serves as both witness and judge.

 

 

Why Emotional Reasoning Hurts

Emotional reasoning makes it hard to:

• Tolerate uncertainty
• Communicate clearly (especially in relationships)
• Challenge distorted thinking
• Access self-compassion or perspective
• Trust your memory or your partner

It’s especially painful when it leads to personalized narratives, like:

• “They must be mad at me—why else would I feel this guilty?”
• “My partner didn’t respond—my anxiety must mean they don’t care.”
• “I feel jealous—so that must mean I’m not enough.”

These beliefs can feel incredibly true, even when they’re not. And because the brain tends to prioritize emotion over logic in moments of distress, this bias gets stronger the more overwhelmed we become.

 

 

Why Creatives & Neurodivergent Folks Are Vulnerable

If you’re highly intuitive, sensitive, or used to trusting your emotional radar—you may be especially vulnerable to emotional reasoning. This isn’t a flaw; it’s part of how your brain has learned to make meaning.

But if you:

• Struggle with rejection sensitivity
• Tend to ruminate or overanalyze
• Experience mood swings or chronic anxiety
• Grew up needing to “read the room” for safety

…then your nervous system may mistake a feeling for a warning sign. And that can lead to shame, self-blame, or avoidant behaviors—even when nothing is actually wrong.

 

 

How Therapy Helps

In therapy (especially in approaches like CBT or the Unified Protocol), we learn to slow down and name emotional reasoning for what it is—a story we’re telling based on internal data, not always external facts.

You can learn to:

• Pause and label the distortion: “This is emotional reasoning.”
• Ask yourself: “What else could be true?”
• Consider: “If someone else told me this, would I believe them?”
• Practice feeling the feeling—without assigning meaning to it

This doesn’t mean you ignore your emotions. In fact, it means respecting them enough to explore them without blindly obeying them.

 

 

Final Thoughts

Your feelings are valid, but they’re not always evidence.

You can feel anxious and still be safe.
You can feel guilty and still be innocent.
You can feel ashamed and still be worthy.

Therapy is where you learn to tell the difference—so you can trust your feelings without letting them control the story.

 

 

References

• Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. New York: International Universities Press.
• Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. New York: Harper.
• Hofmann, S. G., et al. (2012). The Efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Review of Meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427–440. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-012-9476-1
• Barlow, D. H., et al. (2011). The Unified Protocol for Transdiagnostic Treatment of Emotional Disorders: Therapist Guide. Oxford University Press.
• Beck, A. T., & Dozois, D. J. A. (2011). Cognitive therapy: Current status and future directions. Annual Review of Medicine, 62, 397–409. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-med-052209-100032
• Dugas, M. J., et al. (2001). Intolerance of uncertainty and worry: Investigating specificity in a nonclinical sample. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 25(5), 551–558. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1005553414688
• Lee, H. J., & Kwon, S. M. (2003). Two different types of obsession: Autogenous obsessions and reactive obsessions. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 41(1), 11–29. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0005-7967(01)00102-2

6/12/2025 by Dr. Ingrid Solano

💖 Learning to Love the Voice Inside: How Self-Compassion Heals Creative Blocks

Have you ever sat down to write, paint, sing—or just imagine—and felt a heavy fog of self-judgment instead of inspiration?

 

You’re not alone. Many people, especially creatives, struggle with what feels like "blocks"—a paralyzing sense of inadequacy, fear of failure, or a critical voice that insists, "Why even try?"

 

But what if the real block isn't a lack of ideas or talent—but a lack of self-compassion?

 

 

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We’re Not Taught to Be Kind to Ourselves

From an early age, many of us learn that performance, obedience, and productivity are the currencies of love and safety. Praise is often given for achieving, not for resting. We’re taught to say "thank you" and "sorry" and to be kind to others—but almost never how to be kind to ourselves.

 

In homes where emotions were dismissed or punished, children often grow into adults who internalize shame, perfectionism, or fear of failure. When care and attention were only given for accomplishments, emotional soothing becomes unfamiliar.

 

Layered on top of this are the messages we absorb from a capitalist society: that our worth is tied to output. Self-compassion—pausing, soothing, listening inwardly—can feel wasteful or indulgent in a culture that values hustle over healing.

 

There are also deep cultural myths about self-compassion being weak, selfish, or lazy. Many people fear that being kind to themselves will erode their ambition or make them complacent. In truth, research shows the opposite: self-compassion enhances motivation, resilience, and creativity (Breines & Chen, 2012; Neff et al., 2005).

 

 

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What Is Self-Compassion?

Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff (2003) defines self-compassion as treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d offer a loved one. It involves:

• Mindfulness – Being present with your emotions without judgment or suppression
• Self-kindness – Responding to pain with warmth rather than criticism
• Common humanity – Understanding that imperfection and struggle are universal

It’s not self-pity or self-indulgence—it’s emotional resilience.

 

 

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Why Self-Criticism Blocks Creativity

Creativity requires vulnerability. You open yourself to uncertainty, failure, and public or private judgment. But when you’re operating from a threat state—activated by self-criticism—your nervous system shifts into survival mode.

Instead of imaginative flow, you get:

• Procrastination
• Harsh inner monologues
• Shame spirals
• Fear of showing up or sharing

According to Gilbert (2010), self-criticism activates the brain's threat-defense system. This shuts down the parts of the brain involved in exploration, curiosity, and creativity. The result? You get stuck in loops of self-doubt, unable to start, finish, or enjoy the process.

 

 

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How Self-Compassion Unlocks Creative Flow

When you respond to yourself with compassion, you activate your brain's soothing system. This state helps regulate emotions, reduce cortisol, and create a sense of safety. And when your nervous system feels safe, your creativity can emerge again.

Research shows that self-compassion is linked to:

• Greater resilience after failure (Neff et al., 2005)
• Increased personal growth and learning (Breines & Chen, 2012)
• Psychological flexibility and reduced avoidance (Keng et al., 2011)
• Reduced fear of failure (Kühnel et al., 2022)

With self-compassion, you're more willing to:

• Take creative risks
• Share imperfect work
• Get curious about mistakes instead of shaming yourself for them

 

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Self-Soothing: The Art of Inner Regulation

Self-compassion is more than a mindset—it’s a practice. And one of its most powerful tools is self-soothing.

Self-soothing involves intentionally calming your body and mind. It can look like:

• Placing a hand on your heart or cheek
• Breathing slowly and deeply
• Saying to yourself: "This is hard. I'm allowed to feel this."
• Listening to music that makes you feel safe
• Taking a warm bath, moving your body, or even crying
• Masturbation, pleasure, and playful sensuality

 

Yes, sexual play can be an act of emotional regulation. When done mindfully, it can restore connection to the body, release built-up tension, and provide comfort. The body holds stories and stress. Tuning into pleasure—without shame or urgency—can be an act of reclamation and care.

 

For many queer, neurodivergent, or emotionally intense folks, self-soothing can also be a radical form of self-ownership. You are not broken for needing comfort. You are wise for learning how to give it to yourself.

 

 

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Final Thoughts

Self-compassion isn’t easy. Especially when the world has taught you to hustle, mask your pain, and keep producing. But the truth is: creativity doesn’t thrive in fear.

 

It thrives in safety, softness, and self-trust.

 

If your inner voice sounds more like a drill sergeant than a mentor, you might not need more discipline. You might need more gentleness. More permission to fail and still be worthy. More play. More touch. More rest.

 

Because loving the voice inside you—even when it quivers—is how creative fire stays lit.

 

 

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🔬 References

• Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
• Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133–1143.
• Gilbert, P. (2010). Compassion Focused Therapy. Routledge.
• Kühnel, J., et al. (2022). Self-compassion and fear of failure. Journal of Research in Personality, 97, 104220.
• Keng, S. L., et al. (2011). Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: A review of empirical studies. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(6), 1041–1056.
• Neff, K. D., Hsieh, Y., & Dejitterat, K. (2005). Self-compassion, achievement goals, and coping with academic failure. Self and Identity, 4(3), 263–287.

 

 

6/10/2025 by Dr. Ingrid Solano

A weekly relationship check-in is a great habit that can deepen intimacy, prevent small issues from growing, and help both partners feel heard and valued. Here's a structured yet flexible itinerary you can use for your weekly check-in, ideally taking about 30–60 minutes once a week.

 

Suggestions for Weekly Relationship Check Ins:

 

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🕒 Suggested Timing

• Frequency: Once a week (e.g., Sunday evenings or a day with low stress)

• Duration: 30–60 minutes

• Setting: Calm, distraction-free environment (phones away!)

 

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📝 Weekly Relationship Check-In Itinerary

1. Start with Positivity (5–10 minutes)

• Prompt: “What’s one thing I did this week that made you feel loved or appreciated?”

• Why: Builds gratitude and reinforces positive behaviors.

 

2. Emotional State & Self Check-In (5–10 minutes each)

• Each partner shares:

  • How they’re feeling emotionally

  • Any personal stressors not related to the relationship

  • One word to describe their week

 

3. Relationship Pulse Check (10–15 minutes)

Ask and discuss:

• “How connected did you feel to me this week?”

• “Were your emotional/physical needs met?”

• “Was there anything that made you feel distant or disconnected?”

• Use a 1–10 scale if helpful: “How would you rate our connection this week?”

 

4. Conflict or Tension Clearing (10–15 minutes)

• Bring up any small tensions that haven’t been addressed.

• Use "I" statements:

  • "I felt ___ when ___ because ___. What I need is ___."

• Listen actively, validate each other’s feelings.

 

5. Future Planning & Coordination (5–10 minutes)

• Logistics for the upcoming week: schedules, childcare, travel, etc.

• Upcoming date night or quality time?

• Anything your partner needs support with?

 

6. Affirmation & Appreciation (5 minutes)

• Close by sharing:

  • One thing you admire or appreciate about your partner.

  • One thing you're looking forward to doing together.

 

 

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Optional Add-Ons

• Fun question of the week: (“If we won a free trip anywhere, where would we go?”)

• Review shared goals: (e.g., savings, fitness, family planning)

• Journal or tracker: Keep notes for progress or growth

 

 

 

6/1/2025 by Dr. Ingrid Solano

 

 

 

Why You Keep Repeating the Same Fights — And What Needs to Happen First

In any relationship—especially in the context of couples therapy—it’s tempting to rush into fixing problems. We want results, change, better communication, and to resolve the conflicts that keep circling back. But before any of that is possible, one foundational need must be met: the relationship must feel emotionally safe. Without a secure and compassionate container, vulnerability feels like a risk too great to take, and change becomes performative at best—or, more likely, short-lived and ineffective.

Safety isn't just about physical presence or saying the right things. It's about cultivating a shared emotional atmosphere where both people feel free from judgment, criticism, or the fear of being emotionally punished. It’s about being able to say, “I’m scared,” or “I feel ashamed,” without being met with defensiveness, shutdown, or blame. This kind of safety doesn’t appear overnight—it’s built gradually, in the smallest of exchanges. A pause before reacting, a soft tone, an effort to really listen—these simple but powerful moments help co-create the emotional soil where trust can take root.

One of the most common patterns couples get stuck in is the loop of repeating the same argument, the same pain points, again and again. For instance, one partner might continuously bring up a list of past hurts during conflict—a time they felt betrayed, dismissed, or unheard. To the other partner, it might sound like a record on repeat, frustrating and exhausting. “Why do we have to go over this again?” they might think. But to the partner bringing up those memories, the repetition isn’t an attempt to punish—it’s often a protest. A protest that the pain still hasn’t been seen, held, or fully accepted.

This is where acceptance becomes crucial. Not acceptance in the sense of resignation—“this is just how it is”—but in the deeper emotional sense: I see your pain, I believe it’s real, and I accept that it has shaped how you show up in our relationship. Acceptance is not passive; it’s active, intentional, and profoundly healing. When someone’s hurt is acknowledged—not argued with, not minimized, not rushed past—something softens. The nervous system calms. The fight begins to lose its charge. People stop yelling not because they’ve given up, but because they finally feel heard.

And this is why, before change can take hold, acceptance and safety must come first. If a partner is still bringing up old wounds, it’s usually a signal that those wounds haven’t been metabolized in the relationship. Change can’t be forced from the top down. You can’t logic your way out of emotional injuries. When the same dance repeats, it’s often because one or both partners are still trying—desperately—to be understood at the most basic level.

Creating a safe space in couples therapy—or at home—means making room for that emotional truth without rushing to solve it. It means saying, “I know we’ve talked about this before, but I can see you’re still hurting, and I want to understand it better.” It means choosing connection over correction. Sometimes, what heals most is not an apology or a solution, but a moment of genuine presence—someone staying with you in the ache instead of defending their own discomfort.

Healing doesn’t begin with strategy. It begins with safety, with softness, and with staying present long enough for your partner to feel seen.

Healing from past hurts doesn’t begin with action plans. It begins with connection. With the kind of emotional atmosphere that says, “Your pain matters here.” With learning how to validate first, and only then, over time, slowly building toward change together. When you create that safety, the conversation stops being about who was right—and becomes about what’s needed for each of you to feel close again.

References

• Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.
• Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2003). Parenting from the Inside Out. TarcherPerigee.
• Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032
• Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
• Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.